I can’t decorate for Christmas this year. Anyone who knows me understands how hard that is for me. I LOVE Christmas. I love the decorations, the lights, the feeling of the season. I take so much pride in creating something special in the house, and I spend time just looking at my tree and wreaths when the lights come on. I just can’t do it this year. I donated our tree to Madison’s new classroom, and I didn’t display anything in the house. We won’t be home, so I used that as an excuse. But really, it all reminded me of Madison. She loved Christmas too, and I couldn’t put out her stocking or get a new tree to decorate without her helping. Brian and I were able to watch Megan sing tonight with her choral ensemble at the school Christmas Concert. We sat toward the back away from others and enjoyed watching her do what she loves, admiring how beautiful and grown-up she is becoming. So much of the concert reminded us of Madison and what she would have been saying or doing. We hear her and feel her all the time. Like Brian has said, it’s so painful but also wonderful. We’re able to laugh through it all before retreating into the inevitable sadness of our new reality. We also realize that we need to focus on Megan, be her parents, and celebrate her accomplishments completely and whole-heartedly. Maddie will always be a part of every experience we have with Megan and I think she understands that. I hope she can see how proud we are of her through the tears and pain. It’ll get easier
