The signs

I’m one of those people who love nature shows. I enjoyed The Discovery Channel, Discovery Health, National Geographic, and all the shows that talk about the earth and humanity throughout my life. I know a lot and have watched so many stories of human loss. Even with all those years of watching those programs, I still didn’t recognize the emergency situation Madison was in that night. It started out as a normal stomach bug. Throwing up regularly and just feeling horrible and weak. We’ve been through those before so I knew we were in for a long night. As it became late, near midnight, I realized this might be the worst illness she’d ever had. She was weak and experiencing explosive diarrhea and discomfort. We were changing her clothes and cleaning her up, helping her to the bathroom and back to the cot that we had set up in our room. This was the normal setup for a stomach bug. We always made space so we could jump up and help when it was needed and have her within earshot. I created a bed on the floor next to her for a while until I started feeling nauseous and realized I had caught her illness and needed rest. I couldn’t stay on the floor. I tried to help despite feeling horrible and Brian took over. He stayed on the floor next to her for a while. I realized her condition was worse than normal when I helped her to the bathroom, she stood up and said, “I’m blind.” I was shocked and repeated what she said in a question, looking at Brian but then she started heading to the cot and I thought that this was just dehydration from excessive vomiting and exhaustion. I made up her bed and she fell into it. She was restless the whole night, guzzling water, and a couple of times panting like she couldn’t catch her breath. I put my forehead to hers trying to help her breathe normally not realizing that she wasn’t mentally aware of what was going on at the time. I thought she was just feeling so horrible that she was trying to make her tummy feel better, and it would pass as quickly as it happened. After she and I had thrown up most of the night, she was still complaining and asking for me but was also telling her dad to move so she could see the tv. I thought she was ok the moment she told her dad to move so she could see Spongebob. He helped her to the bathroom and she started blacking out again, he laid her down, I cleaned her up after throwing up myself, we stood her up to head down to the car to take her to the ER and she was gone. The moment I saw her pupils dilate I called 911.

I had no idea that her blood pressure had been dropping all night. All of her symptoms pointed to a dangerously low BP and I just didn’t see it or know it. If I had known, I would have done something different. I just thought we were helping her through a really horrible case of a stomach virus. In reality, her BP was devastatingly low for too long and something was causing it. In 12 hours she went from a typical stomach virus to her heart stopping and never coming back.

I don’t know if we could have saved her if we had called for help even a few hours earlier. Her heart was so exhausted that it just wouldn’t keep beating by the time the paramedics arrived. Despite the fact that we still don’t have answers from the coroner, I’m convinced it was sepsis. I think the virus traveled out of her digestive tract and attacked her little body. She was immunocompromised because of her UC medication, she was already in a severe UC flare up and this virus just made everything worse. We had been through these viruses before several times. This one ended up taking her life in just 12 hours. I wish I had known the signs. I would’ve called an ambulance sooner. I just thought I could help her through it like I had done countless times before. It hurts so much